Nothing seemed to work anymore. Everything was turning out in turmoil. The only thing which was truly making me happy was something which my mind couldnt get enough of. Today was same as yesterday and I was sure that tomorrow would be same as today. Nothing seemed different anymore even going to the best of places, eating the best of the food, making the most of the day everyday, everything felt as if it had came crashing down in the middle of nowhere. I dint know what my heart’s desire was nor did I knew how to make my inner self feel contended with what I had with one thing which was so badly missing from the jigsaw of my life.
I wanted to cry out loud but dint found the courage to spill tears. I was doing everything to make myself happy, did everything which I once wanted to do so badly in life yet still everything felt incomplete. It felt as if no one around me wanted me anymore. As I write this, I am so immersed in my thoughts like its some deep black hole swallowing me slowly and slowly deeper into the abyss….
A part of my body revolted so badly about achieving all those things which I really want in life, but theres a part of me saying that I cant do it. With so many failures, trying to live upto people’s expectations each day, answering desperately to keep up my reputation, the part of me which says I cant has so many evidences to show me. These revolts around me have made me so numb, I cant even express myself properly even to myself. Everything in my life looked like what my room looks like : clutter. I dint want anyone to listen or to lessen my pain, I wanted order in my life, something which I havent achieved uptill now, and the worst part is that even the best of vacations dont make me happy anymore untill I get my desire.
I know that someday, I will achieve what I want truly from life because I have been brave in life, I have met struggles people cant even imagine to meet. I want more from life and from this day forward, I will get my share of happiness from life, I will get my obsession even if I have to snatch it from it. I will prove all those people wrong who think or say that I dont deserve what I truly want from life. And someday, when I look back, I’ll know that I deserved it, I deserved it more than anyone else in the world.
- Page from Sapphy’s diary, Dated : sometime years back….
You have always been the one who understands my feelings, my pain and my silence. Your post really touched my heart :’)
loved how this writing ended on such a positive note, i feel all motivated too after reading it!
may we all find and achieve what we truly want from our lives!
by the way, the new colors of your blog are sooo attractive!